I was blessed with a January birthday, so the new year always feels really new for me. Like, newer than I bet the new year feels to other people.
I turned 30 in 2015. I liked being 30! It felt good. Right. Earned. I used the excuse “Whatever! I’m 30.” a lot. That, and “Well! It’s 2015!”. “31” and “2016” don’t have the same ring to them, but I will endeavor to live with the same laissez les bon temps rouler sort of joie de vivre.
This was the year I ran out of fucks to give. I got sick of excuses, of behavior, of not being in control, of past mistakes. And so? I owned it all and moved forward on my own terms. I see a lot of women my age doing the same thing, so I figure it must be a 4th decade kind of thing. It’s like…you get to this place where you see all of the really stupid things that happened in your 20’s. You get mad at the way situations went down. You get mad at the way you let situations play out. You get mad at yourself for laughing through situations that weren’t very funny. It hits you hard. 30 feels invigorating, but it also scares you. How did you make it this far?
I turned into a true feminist this year– and an intersectional one, at that! Yes, I’m one of those feminists (an angry, side-eyeing, buzzkill one that quotes studies and facts) because of reasons stated in the paragraph above; I’m fed up with behavior that I’ve experienced and behavior that I’ve witnessed. It feels good to be informed.
I saw a creative project through to fruition. I said to a friend of mine, “HEY. We want both want to do things. We both have drive. You have an audience and I have the time. Let’s do this.” and we did. In less than a year, I started a podcast that – only two months in! – has a pretty solid fanbase and structure. I’m not worried about haters or “Do we have enough followers?” or it not being exactly what I want it to be immediatelyrightoffthebat. I’m proud of the way I’m handling it; I see value in the babysteps that we’re taking towards a bigger goal. I see value in patience, which is a breakthrough for me.
I’ve stopped putting up with shit from the fellows out there. It’s not worth it! I had a few near misses this year with some real jackasses…I squelched them before the opportunity arose for them to really drag me down. I’m looking for someone who’s kind, a partner in crime; basically, a nice, smart weirdo. I’m through with being titillated by danger and the unexpected. I’d rather be alone and feeling myself (literally and figuratively!) than to be trapped in a terrible situation. It’s a lovely realization to arrive at.
I’ve surrounded myself with people who are on the same wavelength as me. It’s great. I’m moving forward and upward.
Star Wars came out (yes, The Force Awakens is a big enough deal for me to mention in a 2015 recap) and it made me feel like I was 15 again…but, the good parts of 15! Not the parts of 15 that were sad and lonely, in which I was yearning and frustrated. The movie is like an old friend coming back from a long journey. Oy, and #feminism. Rey makes me cry. That movie got so many things right.
I travelled. A lot.
2015 wasn’t perfect. I’m glad it’s over for a lot of reasons. I’m glad it happened for a lot of reasons.
And so, 2016 is imminent. Who knows what it’ll bring! As always, I am ready.